Under A Pen Name

Why do I feel like writing under a pen name? Well, basically, not for the thrill. It's for the paranoia. *chuckles

If you noticed, there are also fictional characters for Facebook accounts. Why? Well, I'd like to think they are as paranoid as me.

I love the thought of people not knowing me. It gives me the freedom and comfort of writing just about anything - sometimes to the point of just blabbering. It gives me a dose of happiness that my write-ups are read by people I barely know and I'm not being judged by my opinions, because after all, I am entitled to opinion in as much as anyone is.

2013, I decided to create this blog and dreamt to write anything under the sun. Afraid of being judged by people, I thought to choose a pen name. Random pinay. Well, truly, I am one random Pinay. You go to the Philippines and ask around my name, people will go "er, sorry, who?", or "Pasenya na po. Hindi ko po sya kilala".

Basically, I am no one. Like my first ever post in this blog, I am no "It" girl and three years later, gaaaah, nothing changed. 😂
(For a second, I got alarmed that nothing changed. Lol) I am the same person who started this blog, went dormant then active again. Well, probably, a little stronger and bolder.

Life taught me that when you go out naked (not literally), there are only two things that will happen: people will either accept you or judge you. Every person goes through mess and I don't understand, but people, they sense happiness and carefree aura and they just..knock you off. Sometimes, you bear them and say, whatever. But sometimes, you get weakened and they get through you and you just.... fall.

So yeah, I have fears. Haha fear of rejection, fear of..basically, rejection. Who wants to be rejected anyway? 😂😄 So I pour my soul into this blog and I just feel so alive under my pen name.

And I guess, people really don't care who's under the pen name. Because once people do, they start reading behind the articles, they start connecting it with personal life, values, etc. I just want them to read a book without knowing the life of the author, like when we read Harry Potter or LOTR or MockingJay - we just care about the book.

So I'm writing under a pen name, not to sound overly dramatic but to compensate my overly paranoid being. I write under a pen name, maybe because, ok fine, maybe I'm thinking big in the future - like this will get mainstream and people would want to know who's under the pen name. But hopefully, by that time, people won't judge me because they've read so much and they'd think I'm worthy of a pen name.

Or maybe I'm just really paranoid. 😂😄 Whatever it is, I'm sticking with the pen name. 😉